Are You Intelligent? Emotionally Intelligent! Part I

“What a question?” “Ridiculous!” “What do you mean?” “Of course!” These would have been my own answers until a few years ago when I would have replied mindlessly just to defend myself without even understanding the question in it’s entirety. So, take a deep breath and answer.

Do you think you are intelligent? Do you know what intelligence really means?

I used to think understanding concepts in class was intelligence. Information and knowledge is intelligence. Openmindeness and creativity is intelligence. And they are. But because the society rewards ‘traditionally’ intelligent people, the lust for excellence in childhood is almost vulgar and nothing to do with actual intelligence.

Understanding math and science subjects can be achieved by patience and concentration but not if you give up trying. Knowledge and information is free flowing and available at the click of a button nowadays. So, why do we feel envious when someone else knows more?

Open-mindedness is achievable by acceptance and a positive attitude. So, why is it so hard to have one? Because traditional intelligence and emotional intelligence go hand-in-hand. We need both. They are not mutually exclusive. We learn to read books but do we learn to read emotions? Our own and others’.

If a parent’s happiness depends on the child’s performance, the child’s self-worth may depend on making the parent happy. In this circular dance, the child learns to disregard their own feelings. That is the start to a gentle decline in Emotional Intelligence.

The transference of expectations from parents to their children is so stealthy that one may forget to notice when the child becomes the race horse you put your money on along with your hopes and dreams.

When high performing adults display low self-worth or talented human beings show irrational insecurities, one knows that there is no lack of intelligence or talent. It comes from a lack of recognizing and managing one’s emotions. A lack of Emotional Intelligence.

If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand,if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships,then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.

Daniel Goleman, Author, Psychologist and Journalist, New York Times

The question is ‘Are we Emotionally Intelligent?’ Do we know what Emotional Intelligence is?

Until a few years ago, I didn’t even know of such a term, much less why it was so important. The idea to write about it comes from observing myself and other people living their lives in ignorance about why things happen and why we behave the way we do.

I found myself asking the same questions for many years until I found the reasons and methods to look for answers within me rather than seeking it outside.

Imagine the possibilities if we know ourselves a little better. What our likes and dislikes are. Why we gel with certain people and while we clash with others? Why some people succeed and others don’t? What is our real role as parents?

How divine it would be if we knew the answers to these questions. We will discover them together in Part- II. Emotional Intelligence and it’s Importance!

Think about it! Until next time…


One thought on “Are You Intelligent? Emotionally Intelligent! Part I

  1. This was such a meaningful blog post, and I can’t wait for the second instalment of this post. It resonated a great deal, especially this part: “The parent’s happiness may depend on the child’s performance and the child’s self-worth may depend on making the parent happy. In this circular dance, the child learns to disregard their own feelings. That is the start to a gentle decline in Emotional Intelligence.”

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